hhaahah oh my god i think you found the one show that is as far away from arrow as you could possibly, possibly get
um um um ok ok ok
sara and laurel lance as sister witches who inherit their powers after the sudden death of their mother dinah, who have to learn how to come together in solidarity after disliking each other for so many years to fight evil together!!!! felicity as the quirky, overachieving whitelighter assigned to protect them!!!!
oliver queen as the reformed demon, trying hard to do good and be good when the entire world thinks he’s destined for the opposite
john diggle as the no-nonsense cop who protects them from exposure
thea as the mysterious witch/whitelighter from the future who travels back to warn them all of coming danger
sin as a young witch taken in by the lances after her parents’ death
ahhhhh this sounds so cool, idk what the fuck the plot would be though, omg
OH MY GOD FELICITY THE WHITELIGHTER SHE WOULD JUST BABBLE INCREDIBLY INAPPROPRIATE THINGS AT THE ELDERS OR THE COUNCIL OR WHATEVER IT WAS CALLED. THE GODLY BEINGS THAT TOOK LEO AWAY AND MADE THE SHOW START SUCKING THEM. BUT YES, SHE WOULD BABBLE AT THEM AND IT WOULD BE AMAZING AND LAUREL AND SARA WOULD GET INTO MAGICAL JAMS AND FELICITY WOULD SHOW UP AND BABBLE AT THEM AND THEY WOULD BE LIKE, “FELICITY. BEAM US AWAY NOW.” AND SHE WOULD BE LIKE, OH, RIGHT, AND BEAM THEM PLACES EXCEPT SHE’D GET SO FLUSTERED SO SOMEHOW THEY WOULD ALWAYS END UP IN THE BASEMENT OF OLIVER’S NIGHTCLUB.
hahahaaaa oh my god yeah the elders probably assigned her to the lances bc they’re dicks and they thought the sisters would never get their shit together and so they were all “well, this one’s kind of a mess but who cares, it’s kind of a lost cause anyway” but then WHOOPS SURPRISE THEY SAVE THE WORLD A BUNCH
laurel get visions, probably, and empathy and levitation and astral projection, while sara has all the aggressive powers—telekinesis and freezing/exploding
and oliver is absolutely the suave demonic club owner who wears expensive suits without ties, and they don’t trust him at all at first (hello, demon) but felicity convinces them to give him a chance, because she’s been working with him for years now and she’s the only whitelighter who’ll give him the time of day so she’s the only one who knows the good he does (*screams out the window* OLICITY AS IMMORTAL ANGEL/DEMON OH MY GOD)
is it weird if i make thea their daughter from the future?? demon/whitelighter?? no?? okay going with that
WHO THE FUCK STARTED THIS????
So have Oliver and Felicity actually done it already but every time Sara asks, Felicity is like “that was back in the 60s, we don’t talk about that. Or the time in the 19th century bc corsets were a bitch.” She always worries she’s said too much, and then she really worries about why he decided to reform, and totally shoots down the idea it might have something to do with her bc that’s just absurd!
hahaaaaa oh my god i hate you
they’ve had sex like ten or eleven times scattered throughout history, in the beginning it was like, angry sex, because oliver worked for the triad and felicity worked for the elders, and they’d fight over charges a lot, like oliver would be trying to turn them dark as felicity tried to steer them towards the light, and every once in awhile when they’d cross paths she’d get all outraged like “why are you such a poophead??!?!?!” and then they’d make out
but tbh this is not going to be an angst-fest, this is the romantic-comedy version of this story, so let’s say oliver never had much stomach for evil, he really only got into it because it was the trendy thing to do, his friends were into it, whatever, and once he moved up in the ranks enough to start getting serious assignments like “kill this little girl bc she grows up to cure cancer” and “blow up this bridge so the president doesn’t make it to the peace summit in time” he’s all “nah fuck that” and so he kills the triad and goes on the run for a few decades
and the first time he sees her after that, it’s around 1897 or so, her charge is a soldier for the ottoman empire and so she’s kind of busy, obviously, running around trying to keep him alive, and oliver’s there bc one of his old bros is an anger demon that’s making all these skirmishes and battles a lot more vicious than they need to be and oliver’s trying to track him down, only felicity thinks it’s oliver doing it, and they have this big fight and then have sex in the grass and oliver has to shimmer them away in the middle before a bunch of soldiers find them going at it in the middle of their camp
so after that he makes a concentrated effort to actually reform instead of just lazing around and stopping bad stuff when it’s convenient, usually as close to her as possible, which leads to a lot of mishaps since she still thinks he’s pretty evil for another fifty years or so
(this is the demon equivalent of a little kid waving at his friend going “LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME I’M GONNA JUMP OFF THE SWINGS ARE YOU WATCHING?? ARE YOU WATCHING?? OKAY HERE I GO—OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE WERE YOU LOOKING WASN’T THAT AWESOME??”)
she totally has no idea, though. none. he’s the most obvious obvious that ever lived but it would never occur to her that he’d fight his own nature just for her, that’s ridiculous. she thinks it must be something else, like the family he had when he was human he never talks about, or someone he fell in love with who died (there was a girl for awhile in the 30s, felicity only saw her once, but she looked very nice, felicity thought) or like, maybe demons just get tired of being demons sometimes!!! maybe oliver’s the beginning of a revolution!! (not really. this is nothing new, honestly, there’s a lot of formerly-evil demons out there who just sorta hang out working regular jobs and learning hobbies and helping the light out when they get a chance. the underworld doesn’t have great employee retention.)
then when the lances come into the picture, felicity thinks he obviously must be in love with one of them, obviously, why else would he give sara the bartending job at his club?? why else would he dig up that dirt on the DA who tried to get laurel disbarred?? why else would he be helping them all the time, if he didn’t have epic, star crossed love for one of them?? she goes back and forth between which one she thinks it is. honestly, it could be either. it’s a constant toss up.
(“for fuck’s sake,” oliver says.
"yeah, i know," sara replies, nodding and refilling his tumbler. "yeah.")
Sara takes him home one night after a pretty spectacular unintentional brush-off by Felicity and they have a nice “cheer up/comfort/thank god I know someone sane I can talk to” make out session, much to Laurel’s disgust (at least 10 percent of the reason Sara instigates it) before she tucks Oliver in under her favorite blanket (quilted by Granny Rathburn, her mom’s mom) on the couch and goes out to hunt evil in the underground with Thea. Thea totally prefers working with Sara the most because Sara’s good with killing demons and don’t ask a lot of questions in the future. This trip, though, she totally — in the middle of tossing a vanquishing potion at a tracker demon — pops out, “So are your mom and dad this disgustingly stupid with emotions in the future?”
Thea wrinkles her nose and gives up the first bit of real information about the future she’s said in the six months she’d been hanging around in a pained, “Yes.”
"I like how you didn’t even try and contradict me about my guess."
"It’s useless; you always were the smart one in the family."
"When it comes to sex, anyway."
OH MY GOD JUST LET ME LOVE YOU
But yeah, also, I really want Laurel and Sara to get in trouble right as Oliver and Felicity have temporarily made up (AND EARTHQUAKES BECAUSE HELLO FORCES OF GOOD AND DARKNESS MEETING) and they’re shouting Felicity’s name because Laurel got hit really bad, so Felicity’s like HOSHIT and grabs the first article of clothing she can and ports herself right out of there.
Of course, the first minute or two is stressful because Laurel might die, so they’re focused on that and then after Felicity’s whitelighter magic works and Laurel’s breathing again, Felicity and Sara let out relieved sighs—and Sara starts dying of laughter. “We interrupted something! Finally!”
And Felicity’s like, “What no I was doing my taxes.”
And Sara just points and Felicity looks down and realizes: she’s wearing an oversized shirt from Oliver’s nightclub.
But even more awkward is Thea, who pops in and goes, “YES I OFFICIALLY EXIST!” and the LOOK on Felicity’s face when they all put it together….
everybody calls oliver “taxes” for weeks afterward and nobody will tell him why
GUYS GUYS GUYS
HELENA IS COMING BACKKKK
I’m giddy imagining Felicity telling Sara “oh her? yeah, she’s the one who gagged me and tied me up when she was done using me. that’s not what it sounds like. i meant my hands. MY…
Pink Drinks and Pick-Up Lines, rated PG-13 for sexiness and some swearing. No warnings. Felicity notices a guy brooding at a bar. Things get fun.
((A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it. — Jean de La Fontaine))
By her estimation, it took her half of a pink martini (her first, since math seemed important whenever alcohol was involved) to notice Broody Guy. How she missed him before that was a little bit of a mystery because he was only two stools away and he was kind of a big guy. Big in an “I work out” way, not in a “I eat nachos for every meal not-that-there’s-anything-wrong-with-that” way. He leaned forward with his elbows on the bar, hands clasped together in front of a whiskey, and she entertained the thought that his face would look so much more handsome without the frown.
She didn’t say that aloud because while it was annoying, at least her habit of splashing everything in the vicinity with far too many words had some sense of self-preservation. Instead, she finished the pink martini and wondered what he was brooding about.
He didn’t touch the whiskey, not once. He didn’t look up or check his watch or play with his phone, so he either wasn’t waiting for somebody to arrive or he was just one of those incredibly rare patient people. Felicity was not one of those people. She also hated mysteries and by the middle of her second pink martini, Broody Guy was becoming a little bit too big of an enigma.
So she turned to him and said the first thing that came to mind: “I’m sorry, sir, you’re going to have to leave.”
Smoveness: Felicity’s drunk game. Her natural ability for innuendo combined with alcohol suppressing the hyperawareness leads to
sexher having major game without realizing it.